digital garden

I find it extremely difficult to read, whether that be the philosophy that i so desire to understand, or a simple piece of fashion hype. I am increasingly believing that this has something to do with my vision - with reading glasses i no longer get headaches, but i still squint, my vision skips and i find it almost impossible to concentrate, as well as being sensitive to light. As a result of this, i find myself often tracing the sound of the words in my head, while thinking about something completely different. This is unbearably frustrating, for the harder i concentrate, the more i reduce the words to sound and shape.

However, reading back over an essay in the book i am trying to read (i have had it for a month, and not passed page 17), i found some of the concepts that were traced, although i have no memory of reading them (let alone thinking upon them), have been responded to in my own writing. How is this possible? Is this a coincidence, or is my subconscious really able to absorb and translate concepts without my conscious awareness? I have found the same thing happening with the work of others that i have viewed. I do not know how to feel about this. I almost feel as if there is an inverse consciousness also inhabiting myself, who i am unable to communicate with. If i am "facing" communicative reality and "based" in private reality, possibly this other self is existing as the opposite. This idea raises many possiblities for the concept of the nexus, and the idea of a symbiotic relationship between realities.